by which to protect ourselves and feel powerful. And that works, when we’re dealing with people whose energy we eclipse, who don’t matter, who don’t match. But then you’re drawn to someone without fully knowing why, or from where and all of a sudden the rules don’t make sense and you are naked as you came, rules scattered on the floor. Let’s play together your heart whispers, and write our own rules. We won’t tell anyone that we’ve already won.
So no, to answer your question, I didn’t think this would happen. But I did hope, from a secret place, that it might. That you might want to kiss me, or hold my hand. That your gaze might stop and you might think, “god she’s beautiful” and we’d take it from there.
The reality of course was messier
as I fumbled through the rules
until they failed me one by one
and I could make sense of nothing but your hands
could find no power but in your taste
could abide by no creed
when the rest of me
is down (Sam Smith)
There are those people. An attraction that makes it clear, that no heaven could exist more divine than the world we live in now.
A whole, more than the sum of parts. Because really, how does one quantify the curves and lines by which the puzzle takes shape?
Oh there you are! Now the party can begin. Do not waste the sacred resources of your time or heart on anything less.*
and time, which is all we have, must be paid heavily for their acquiring.”
- Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon
Abundance of wealth, of new experiences, of soul. I think to myself, what is it you wish for in this one precious life? Is it money, power, fame? Maybe, and that’s grand, but if you strip it all down, it all starts and ends with love.”
excerpt from toast at my friend Kate Reid’s wedding to Matthew Vacca, 5.30.2014
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.